I fucked up by almost dying.
This event took place about 4 years ago, when I was working at my local grocery store (in fresh produce). It was one sunny Sunday afternoon and I may or may not have been slightly intoxicated. Life was great it seemed to be going perfectly, like it could not get any better; little did I know I was in for a rude shock. So I had this boss called 'Agro'. He wasn't far off a tanned little hairy nugget. I think he may have been an alcoholic, hence the name; I think. Who I assumed had gone home for the day, leaving me in charge of the operations. As he was usually out on the display floor, rotating the fruit and vegetables.
So as soon as I hit the store room (around the back), a deep deep hunger hit me. It wasn't far off crippling, so I decided I needed to eat something; regardless of my financial situation. So as you can imagine, staring at over 1000 bananas. You would naturally assume, "It's just one banana, what harm could eating one do?" Little did I know, I was about to learn a lesson in how wrong my thinking was. I slowly made my way over to the extremely tasty looking bananas and picked the nicest looking one out of the box.
There it was in all its glory, sitting in the palm of my hand. Honestly it was one of the nicest bananas I have ever had in my presence. So I discreetly moved over to the bin, and faced away from the plastic flaps. Just in case anyone was to walk in; I could attempt to cover up my crimes. So I peeled back the natural wonder (it seemed so wrong but so right at the same time). With the whole peel removed, to ensure a quick disposal if necessary. As I began munching away, I fell into an almost blissful; surreal state. I was in a world of my own.
Out of nowhere my intensely peaceful state was shattered by the eruption of noise; I did not need to or even want to hear. "HEY MATE!!" yelled Agro. "Ahhh shit, shit; dispose of the evidence" I thought. I quickly chucked the peel in the bin and swallowed about 20 centimetres of this thick banana, assuming all would be sweet (just turn around and pretend like nothing happened). That is where I fucked up. I turned around and went to say "hey mate!", but that simply did not work. The banana was stuck in my throat. I thought to myself "Is this what choking is?", then instantaneously other thoughts began to flood my brain. "What is happening!! Am I going to die at Woolworths?!?" I had this flash back sort of thing, were I could see me dead on the ground and a police officer with a clip board saying to my parents (standing there looking at a dead me). "Cause of death, banana. It appears your son has died from eating a banana at Woolworths"... Parents crying. My mind also flooded with a myriad of other events and conversations.
When all this was happening, I think Agro was staring at me being like "WTF is this kid doing...". All these memories and visions spurred me into action. I looked at Agro and decided (I don't know why), that he could help me in my time of need. I reached my arm out to him and stumbled foward while forcing out muffled words (funny voice - pretend something is stuck in your throat) "Help... me!" I am sure he could see the desperation in my eyes.
Agro being Agro, he chucked out his arm and began walking backwards; as to be like "No. Get back." At that exact moment I realised Agro was not going to help me. Almost instinctively (subconsciously) I began punching myself really hard in the stomach. Up comes this 20 centimetres of banana, still in tact. I look at Agro and he had this disgusted look on his face; "Mouth poo mate."
On analysis, he then leant back onto a roll cage; with his look of disgust transforming into a gentle smile. "Big night last night mate!" Still shaking from the adrenaline, I looked at him with fear still evident in my eyes and nodded profusely. He then walked off, leaving me to think about what I had just done/gone through.
The best bit was, only a week later I found out we could "quality test"; as much fruit and veg as we wanted.
TL;DR - I thought I was stealing and got caught, subsequently; a banana got stuck in my throat causing me to have an epiphany. Thanks for reading.