I go to a large, southeastern university well-known for both its lackluster number of females and its number of lackluster females. It was probably two or three days into my freshman year, and I showed up 10 or 15 minutes late to my calculus lecture. (Big campus, shit directions, you know the deal.) The only seat left is next to this absolute knockout. Long black hair, eyes you could get lost in for days, the works. I was never really very good at talking to attractive people, especially not back then, so I sat next to her for ten or fifteen minutes before saying anything. Eventually, the professor said something that makes no sense, and I turned to her and asked her to explain it. Yada yada yada, after two or three weeks of being somewhat friendly to her in class, I asked her on a date. We went to this crappy burger place, and sat there for solidly three hours talking about everything. You name it, we talked about it. At probably 10 or 11 pm, the waiter came over and told us they're closing the kitchen, so I got the check and we left. We walked back to her dorm, and she invited me in. Meanwhile, I was silently freaking the fuck out - this was my first date since sophomore year of high school, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. We went upstairs, and as soon as we got inside her room and closed the door, she pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. After a couple of minutes of that, she put her hand down my pants. I tried to take her shirt off, but she stopped me and said, "I'm gonna need about tree fiddy." It was then that I realized she was about 500 feet tall and from the paleolithic era. I got my wallet out and gave her a five. I mean hell, she might have been the Loch Ness Monster, but DMHS, right? Anyway, I paid her, and as soon as she took my money, she told me she had a boyfriend, and with one flick of her tail threw me out the window and across the street.