Before I start this story, I need you to paint a visual picture of what I look like. So this was my sophomore year in college and I decided my freshman year that I wanted to grow my hair out. My hair is down to my shoulders and I also have a 6 month beard at this point. So I look as homeless as possible. Now, let's get started.
After a weeks worth of tests and papers I was extremely worn out from school. I decided to go to bed around 10 on Thursday which was really early for me. However, I forgot to set my alarm to wake up for my 8am class. I had already been absent twice in this class and if you're absent three times then the teacher drops your grade a full letter. I was freaking out because I needed to keep my GPA above a certain point in order to keep my scholarship. So I decide to go to the nursery and fake sick and give the note to my teacher. Well I roll into the nursery, eyes low and hair messy, and the nurse takes me to one of the rooms. She asks, "What's wrong, honey?" and I gingerly reply, "My throat has been really scratching lately and I haven't slept in days because of it." I give her to puppy dog eyes to really sell it and says I probably have some sort of throat infection. At this point, I'm satisfied. I have successfully faked sick and got the doctor's note that I needed to give to my teacher. However, the nurse insists that I take some medicine for my throat. I'm no medical student, but what she gave me seemed to be way over the top for an "itchy throat". She gave me: a capsule full of antibiotics, some steroids, an inhaler, and a bottle of promethazine/codeine syrup. Eventually, I get out of the nursery and go to hand the teacher my doctor's note. He says, "Oh I never would have actually lowered your grade but thanks for the note." Whatever. At this point, I go to my room to pass out for a couple hours before the night. That night, I wake up and everyone is pregaming upstairs. This is where the story gets juicy. Because it's the second to last week of school, I decide to chug the whole bottle of promethazine/codeine syrup to start off the night. Then, I proceed to make myself a fat jack & coke and head upstairs. Since it was Friday, we always pregame with margaritas. However, this time, the margarita machine had a "special ingredient" added to it. At the time, I was unaware of this special ingredient. The next day, someone told me they loaded the margarita machine up with xanax bars. So I'm chuggin margarita after margarita havin' a great time and eventually everything gets spotty. I somehow make it to a house party and start chuggin punch and playin flip cup. Then I make it to one of the bars downtown. At the bars, I am beyond shit-faced. I am literally slapping every girl's ass that I see. Eventually, one of the girls seemed to like it and she ends up taking me to her apartment across the street. So I get to her apartment and we start gettin after it in bed. I start to get dizzy and pullout. She asks if I'm okay and I straight up ignore her. I'm dripping sweat at this point and I try to run to the bathroom. I trip on a backpack and slam my nose into the ground. I get up and my nose is bleeding. I stumble to the bathroom, search for the light switch but can't find it. I keep looking for the light and spinning in circles in darkness. Eventually, I fucking explode into a 360 degree vom-hose. I hear the girl coming to see what's wrong and I know I'm in deep shit. She turns on the light and just fucking screams. Everything is RED. The mirror is covered the bathroom mats and covered the shower curtain. The whole bathroom is coated with my red vomit. Her friends hear the girl scream and come to see what's wrong. They also freak the fuck out and start throwing my drunk ass in the shower. I'm but-ass naked except for my socks and I try to convince them that I'll clean it up. They ignore me but my drunk -self doesn't want to take a shower for whatever reason. So they give me one final push to get me in the shower and I rip down the shower curtain and fall on my collarbone. To sum it up, my hair is wet from the shower and super long. My beard is gross and soaked with red vomit. My nose is broken and swollen and my collarbone is fractured. However, the good part is I don't really remember most of it in detail because I was so fucking black out.
tldr; overslept for class. faked sick and got promethazine/codeine syrup. Chugged multiple barred-out margaritas. Mega blacked out. Half-way boned chick, broke my nose, 360 spewed all over her bathroom. Fractured my collarbone and did all of this while looking like a bum with a 6-month beard.