I'm female and 27 so the diagnosis has been quite recent, ~3 months ago. I recently registered at an organisation called Number 6 in Edinburgh, it's tucked away just off George Street. The adult diagnosis person there is Hyan, who was diagnosed in his 40s I think. If you can get there, I'd recommend making an appointment with him as I'm sure he'd love to talk about it with you. There might be a similar organisation in Glasgow or nearer to you wherever you are.
Congratulations on getting to this point! Why do you say it's taken 25 years? Is that 25 years of being seen for your mental health? I completely understand the difficulty of being female as a lot of the more obvious signs of autism in males aren't as present in women. Have you been over to r/aspergirls ?
From what I've gathered, women tend to be more agreeable and devote huge amounts of resources to fitting in and being socially accepted. You'll hear about 'masking'. I've devoted literally years of life to studying people and social situations. I went to university to study social sciences. Relative to my younger self, I feel like a very skilled player of a game; it's now impossible for me to explain what I'm doing or how I got here. And just like being good at an instrument or a game, it's frustrating to watch someone play it badly. So if anyone encourages you to 'drop the mask', I understand if that's hard to do. Maybe I'm alone in this though.
Where did you find your husband? Please clone him ;)
Ugh, I wouldn't listen to your brother. For me this is the final stop on a train that has taken me through: depression, perfectionism, anxiety, adhd, bpd, agoraphobia, mood / personality disorders, complex ptsd, sleep disorders and all sorts of other misery. None of them ever quite fitted in the way autism has. I can still see the symptoms of autism in all those past experiences which suggested various ailments. The problem was that my behaviour, thoughts and feelings were all being compartmentalised from each other and nobody ever saw the complete picture except me.
Why do you even need to excuse any of your 'weird' behaviour? What does it say about him that he thinks that of you? I think it's possible that he doesn't find autism to be palatable and hopes you're just shopping around for a label rather than doing this in order to find genuine answers. I've encountered the same stigma and it's unfortunate. I'm sorry you're going through that.
Sorry this has ended up so long again! I'm a bit of a windbag at times.