Am 27 M. I really really really want to marry a girl who is just 18 years old for whatever it takes.

Backstory: when we was younger, lets say am 16 and she was like 10. We used to play a weird game called husband/wife. We never removed our clothes but we just used to lay over each other and hug each other extremely that our private parts are used to rub on each other body.

So this was kept going on for over an year until for the very first time i got ejaculated in my underwear when she tried to lay over me. I immediately got up and was in shock about what it can be! I rushed to bathroom to check it out and i seen a white fluid substance leaking.

After this incident, i did a sex education myself in my dad mobile phone and i know at that point what i was / we was doing is completely wrong. my school or my parents failed to teach me what is hormonal changes, what is good touch /bad touch etc. if only i known i could have avoided it but it happened anyway.

Years passed : i met her last year ( after five years ) i can understand by the look of her face that even she found guilty of what we done. She said i should have said no earlier but I really didn’t know what to reply. I just end the conversation.

So basically i can be a virgin (pure) at this age of 27. If that thing not happened in the past. I educated myself a lot and am completely clean when it comes to sex, alcohol, smoking, weed etc. i just dont have any bad habbits but what i done in the past is still hunting me and keep remaining me i failed as a person who values moral.

This is the reason why i like to marry her so that i can come clean in my life. She kinda like me still , i can guess by the conversation we had but She is just disappointed as me as she doesn’t know what she was doing. I want to marry her so i can marry the only girl who i had things with i can finally be free of my guilt. A month before: I shared my interest to my mother but she said thats wrong on many levels. She said she is only 18 and am 27 but she dont know what happened between us. At this time am just working on improving myself in all other aspects ( physics, health, money ) so that my age wont be a bar when i ask her or her parents that i want to marry her .