The only past relationship that has ever tested the mbti with me was an esfj. He was a long time friend of mine that I could talk to about anything and he'd find it interesting. He has a good sense of morals, and loved having fun in...different ways. For instance he jumped at the chance to be a part of school wide tag that lasted all day with hundreds of students participating (including me). He was the type of person that was accepting of all types of people from all types of backgrounds. At the time I had multiple groups of friends I would bounce around with. There were the studious intuitives who were, to put it lightly, pessimistic, negative, and cared way too much about petty things and grades, but I liked hanging out with them because they were my first friends since I moved to the area as a small child, deep critical thinkers...but over time as we became teenagers they became more and more bitter with society and life.
Because my other group of friends were mainly sensors they reminded me to take a step back and enjoy life, look at the good, smell the roses as I was being effected by my negative friends. I decided to hang out with them a lot more my senior year of high school which is how my esfj friend became my best friend and we ended up dating in college.
That was the life lesson for me where I learned that a best friend does not always make the best boyfriend. Things changed, I thought I was controlling as an intj but boy was I wrong.
Some of the things that made me admire him actually became a bane in our relationship. He always put his friends first, before me, as in, he was ready to break relationship boundaries to be there for his friends. Once, a female friend went through a breakup and he was immediately there for her...alone in her place overnight. I knew he didn't cheat on me because he is staunchly religious and didn't believe in sex before marriage, but I was upset that he had no concept of boundaries and respect. Another time he called me up asking me if he could go to a dance with a female friend who he recently got to know in class who was desperate to find someone to go with her and every other guy said no. She didn't know he wasn't single or she wouldn't have asked. I told him that while I understand, he isn't single and so he shouldn't disrespect me that way. He tells me there's a slight problem because he already said yes, assuming I'd be okay with it. I told him that he shouldn't make that kind of assumption and to go back and tell her no. He starts to get upset because his word is important to him, and he has this stance that he will never be the kind of guy that goes back on it. I told him that if he explained himself she will understand, but he was resistant. I asked him if he would've done this to me had I been in the area. He said no, so I asked him why that suddenly means it's okay to break relationship boundaries just because I'm many miles away. He begrudgingly went and told her no, which resulted in him resenting me even though she was completely understanding of the problem.
Related to that, he could not for the life of him say no to people. I admired him for being warm to people who were outcasts of society, but I didn't realize how much he'd let them walk all over him. For instance, this girl I abhorred thought it would be funny to put laxatives in a friend's drink and instead of doing anything about it, the group of friends, including my ex, would just forgive her for the sake of friendship. I ended up disassociating myself with that group because of similar situations repeating itself. For another incident, there was a holiday event that lasted until 2 in the morning and this is the point that everyone decides to tell my ex that they were hoping he'd give them a ride back home because he drove the van and typically gives rides (to individuals not a group) even though they all have licenses and a car to drive (they got dropped off by family). I was livid because my ex was working a part time job and his family makes him pay for his own gas and insurance. I told him he should just make them call their parents, wake them all up to come pick up their kids because of how irresponsible they were. He ended up spending 3 hours giving everyone rides because his ex gf had no way of getting back. She lived the furthest away, a good hour from where we were and everyone else was sprinkled in between so he may as well drop them all off.
Back to the whole staunchly religious part...he had different rules for friends vs gfs. He is accepting of all sorts of friends but when I became his gf, I'm suddenly subject to a lot of rules that are non-negotiable a with him. For instance, he got extremely angry with me for having wine with my family at 20 because I was drinking underage, nevermind the fact I don't go out partying. I didn't understand, asked him why it matters if I'm in no immediate danger and didn't even get drunk (just slightly tipsy). We went back and forth on this with him telling me he felt like I believed I was above the law (not quite true). The one thing he said that really unnerved me is that laws are there for a reason and if it stands to the test of time it works and therefore we should not question it.
Our relationship dissolved because of too many incidences like that. When we fought he'd go no contact for days to stew (or maybe punish me) and I hated that because keeping me in the dark to ponder over all the possible outcomes results in insanity coupled with a stop to all productivity. I tried my best but after a while realized that it wasn't what I wanted and that I was miserable so I broke up with him. He took it badly but I was so wrung out I had no more love for him by the end of it and just wanted to escape. I pretended to be sad but I was more relieved than anything.
That was several years ago. I do chalk up much of it to being young, but ultimately we were two different people that couldn't get over our differences. He wasn't necessarily wrong, we just aren't compatible. He was either too forgiving, or saw things too black and white for me.