We had somewhat of a dead bedroom for a while. My wife was sick so that didn't help, but she also turned me down about 80% of the time and didn't initiate more than once a month and only did so if I didn't because she felt she needed to duty-sex me.

We had a pretty emotional talk and I asked her what her ideal amount of sex was. She started making excuses about "well, the kid is sick..." or "I'm on my period..." or "someone is out of town..."

I said to ignore all of that. Pretend that we have a billion dollars and the kid can go to daycare all day and we just have all day to lounge about in our mansion that is being cleaned by maids. If we had infinite time, how much sex would she want? Every day?

She said no, that's too much. I agreed. I wouldn't mind a few days in a row, but sex every single day would (to me) start to feel like an obligation.

Every other day? No, still a little too much. I'm fine.

"Twice a week?" I said. "Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe sometimes more, sometimes less"

I agreed, and since then we've been a lot closer to that. It isn't quite there yet, but it's gone from 80% rejection to the inverse...4/5 times she'll say yes. She also initiates somewhat more.

This is for pretty much all sex, mostly piv. I go down on her relatively often, but she often ends up pulling me up and turning it into piv.

I do wish she'd give me oral more often. Right now that's about once a year, and I'd rather have it a few times a month, maybe while she's on her period.