Me and my ex started fooling around on my bed and things were getting hot and heavy. He decides to slip two fingers in my back door. Well, fast forward a few minutes. He takes his fingers out and lo and behold, his fingers are covered in...excrement... It wasn't just a little residue, it was legit a huge chunk at least the size of a golf ball. I will never forget the look of horror on his face. My natural reflex was to grab it, so I end up with a handful of my own shit, both of us freaking out and screaming. I run to the bathroom, my mom asks my ex what's going on. "We found a melted Kit Kat on her bed."
I'm still super uncomfortable with any back door action 5 years later. So horrifying. I damn near cried and almost refused to face him again. And just a side note, I did NOT feel like I had to poop.