What's your PCOS Story?

I was skinny and seemed healthy but I noticed hair in unwanted places after puberty. And the hair in normal places was abundant. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I wore pants year round. I couldn't even wear capri style pants. Anytime I shaved my legs, they'd get sores or bleed. Or worse, they had awful looking stubble. I kept this to myself for years and suffered. I was even too ashamed to see a Dr so I would jump from walk-in clinic to another and I would tell them what I wanted and I would experiment on myself. I tried pretty much every SSRI for my depression. I also tried BC but since I expected immediate results and didn't see that happening I stopped. So I've definitely had more downs than ups. It was difficult to say the least. No boyfriends. I avoided my friends when they wanted to hang around pools or beaches. I never slept over at their homes so I was an outsider and never fit in. I couldn't get close to anyone in case they discovered my freakish secret. I was isolated. But I tried to pretend I was normal but just a bit weird and people accepted that. However; I had to deal with people wondering why I didn't have a boyfriend. My Mom once told me it's ok to be gay. (thanks Mom). But I did end up dating and it stressed me out. It was such an effort to just get "ready". I broke it off with a lot of good guys because I was too afraid of rejection. Eventually one guy did reject me and it hurt. But instead of moping too long about it I joined a co-ed sport (Ultimate Frisbee). I met new people. I was still an outsider but at least I was living my life. I met my soon to be husband at age 22 (who was on my team). We got married 4 years later. And although we never discussed my issues he just knew when to touch me and when to not! Of course that was difficult too. Jump to age 30. I started to notice my symptoms were getting worse. That's when I decided to get laser. I should have done it sooner but again I was too humiliated to seek help, even for that. But I did go. I did my upper lip and my arms (because I could handle that). Eventually I moved to full legs and bikini area, etc. Then at 30 something I went to a Dr for the first time and had a physical and a pap. She diagnosed me with PCOS (which I already knew I had). She put me on BC and spiro. She told me to keep exercising and that was it. I was only supposed to take 2 spiro per day which I believe is 50mg. But of course I took 200mg or sometimes 300mg. My Dr tested me and I had heart trouble. So I went back to taking the recommended dosage. Anyway. I eat very healthy (except on the weekend). I can admit I still suffer from self esteem issues and I drink more wine than I should. And even though I've had laser treatments, I still will not walk around in a bathing suit. (which sucks because my inlaws harass me for not wearing one every single summer). Ugh. I will always feel like a shaved ape, no matter what. Anyway. Besides eating well I take a ton of supplements because I'm extreme that way. I obsess over my health to the point where at times I've made myself ill. For the past year I have been going to a fertility clinic. And only once have my follicles matured so I did IUI, but it didn't work. Obviously, I'm not taking spiro or BC right now and I'm noticing new hair growth but I'm ok with it because it's still in the realm of "normal" in my opinion. And if it gets worse I'll be back for another painful laser session. This is just how my life is. No one can understand it unless they go through it.

/r/PCOS Thread