What's your position on Roe v. Wade, Per Per?

"Alright, perk up Training-Bra. You've been in this godforsaken craphouse for a decade now, and, however ludicrous it may seem to me personally, you are in faaaact what this place considers to be a doctor. Act accordingly, Barbara! That includes no longer incessantly pestering yours truly with pointless questions that are irrelevant to the sick people that you may or may nooot have noticed all around you.

Buuuuuuut, before you run to your equally simpleminded brown ball and chain for input, or, God forbid, someone as depraved as ol' Mickhead... I'll admit it's unlikely, NAY, borderline impossible that anyone else in this dump could enlighten your overly-gelled and uninformed skull. Pssst, in case I'm being unclear, Newbie, the only correct answer is my answer.

Sooo, I'll tell you what, seeing as how you so very closely resemble a Fox so-called 'News' anchor, in that any opinion your little weasel brain manages to scrape together is so misinformed that it could barely even be considered to be an opinion at all... I'm gonna take a second here to wrap a nice little bow on this issue for you.

First off, I'm aware that your knowledge of human reproduction is limited to cocktail-fueled gossip from your gals Samantha and Carrie, so allow me to explain. When a mommy and a daddy re-he-heally love each other, they get together and, what we call in the medical field, bump uglies. Thaaat, is where babies come from. Although, sometimes, not intentionally.

The point is, no matter what happens the minute after the mommy is impregnated, it has nothing... Listen carefully... NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FATHER. Do you understand? He reverts to being nothing more than a mouth-breathing, inseminating turkey-baster and a sour reminder of the 7 minutes in her life she won't H'EVER get back. In other words, No-Chin, it is not, I repeat, NOT his uterus, not his decision.

What does that tell you, Johanna? If the sperm donor has no say in the matter whatsoever, do you actually think that a couple of government suits do? EEHHH! Times up! The answer, of course, is a resounding noooo. Pack up your knives and go.

P.S, you'd be wise to take this not only as an answer but as crucial advice, should the day ever come that you and your lesbian life-partner decide to ruin the human race as we know it by carrying forth your androgenous genes in a test tube.

End of lecture. You're welcome. Begone."

/r/explainlikedrcox Thread