Poor self-esteem. I was extremely thin as a kid and everyone around me told me I was going to get sick because I wouldn't eat the school lunch. I also have an overactive imagination and overthink everything. Doesn't help that my father would be a dick whenever he felt stressed out. I always did what I was told. Never stayed out late, never partied or did any drugs. Still, he would call me a problem child, told me I wouldn't succeed in school and that I was worth nothing. He told me multiple times he would take me to a doctor to "figure out what was wrong with me", but he never did, so I was left to wonder. It took me a long time to realize that this was over the top as he could also be nice and caring. I figured there really had to be something wrong with me.

I like to draw a lot and usually use my art to vent. I'm starting to get scared of showing it to other people though as it just gets darker and more personal the more I draw. I also have too high expectations of myself that I rarely live up to. Especially when it comes to my art. I've told people about it and they just laugh at me and assure me I've got amazing drawing skills, and compared to them I do, but considering how long I've been drawing I am just shit. I hate it and I'm struggling to get better because it frustrates me to the point where I just want to scream and destroy something.

I've recently started therapy but I don't know what good it will do. I wear a mask and pretend to be happy, but I'm getting so tired of it I just can't keep it up anymore. Three of my friends have at different occasions asked me to seek therapy and I'm pretty sure there are more people who see through me. I'm scared of what might happen if my facade falls.