What's your "when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags" story?

so many flags i realized way too late.

i was on a reddit thread, asking questions that was really meant for women with similar experiences facing guilt over having a high libido due to how they were raised (religion, strict parents, sex education that kinda shamed women, etc) and a man had messaged me. i was recently 18 and he was 25. he messaged me, said if i ‘masturbated in front of someone’ i’d feel better.

i thought he was some deep-psychologist type dude who was getting at something. he wasn’t. he just wanted to see me nude because he knew i was naive and vulnerable. id planned to skype him but was stalling because i didn’t want to. he started sending me unsolicited photos, even after i specifically said no MULTIPLE times. he told me he was a liberal feminist type dude (this should’ve been red flag #1. men don’t just gloat about how liberal and feminist they are as if they deserve a medal).

he would call me pet names. he told me he didn’t need to know my real name or anything, because he thought it’d make me feel better. red flag #2. i thought this was so smart because i was considered ‘anonymous’ and ‘mysterious’ and i just want to punch myself in the face due to it. he was avoiding attachment to just get what he wanted out of me without having to learn another name.

he would bother me. say uncomfortable things so i’d stopped responding at times. but then he’d say something really nice about me or we’d talk about music so i thought “okay, he cant be THAT bad”.

i didn’t respond to a message from him for a few hours one day. id read it, left it. then, he sends a message “if i were there, id beat you”. I told him i wasn’t into dirty talk. his reply was “it’s not dirty talk. you’re the most frustrating person I’ve ever interacted with and id genuinely like to beat the fuck out of you”

i deleted my skype. my old reddit. my email account. all the selfies i sent him from my socials are gone so he cant reverse image search (i sometimes fear he has though).

he preyed hard on young women who were clearly vulnerable. id tell him I’m not comfortable with stuff and he’d do it anyways. as sad as i am this happened, it’s taught me to 1: not mess around with older men who specifically target young women, and 2: to not be so blind to dumbasses and their attempts to gaslight and take advantage of a vulnerable young woman.

/r/AskWomen Thread