The unfortunate thing is, you are not alone and your situation is becoming a common thing to read.

The really unfortunate thing however though, is that you may spend your time contemplating suicide until the day you meet someone who 'loves' you, and you'll probably find it's not what you expected, and it's not the answer to your problems.

I'm a 23 year old male, and i've never had sex either(Well consensually anyway), I was emotionally and physically abused growing up, and then sexually abused when I was 15, and so it took me a while to get to a place where I could be 'normal' and when I did I'd get in relationships and go so far but for one reason or another, things wouldn't work out, even if I really trusted that person.

And I spent a few years contemplating suicide and self harmed and did the whole self pity thing, but over time I've finally been able to realise, that despite the media and societies very warped view of human relationships, that it is a far greater path to learn to love yourself, than wish for someone to do it for you. So in the end I decided I was far happier alone, at least for the foreseeable and decided to just focus on myself.

I might suggest you read this from access to insight it puts in perspective the futility of the commonly desired form of 'love' based on possession and craving.

Longing bursts through this one channel that seems open, dizzily insisting that the life of unreflecting passion is the highest they can aspire to. They do not reason, but fall. Their elders do reason — obsessively — but fall all the same, thereby admitting that, with all their thought and experience, they find, when driven to extremity, they have nothing but love to live for.

Then there is mindful love, and I think that whilst mindful love can be a good thing, it should not be your focus either, for it is craving for something you do not have that leads to the sorrow of longing. For me, I have learned to love myself, and to love the world, and my focus has shifted from needing to pursue 'love' to helping people and following the path, and all I can say is that I am far happier for it.

But ultimately you are caught in the mindset of believing you need to be loved, and feeling intensely lonely because you are not, you desire what you do not have, and yet when you have it - it will not be permanent nor will it bring true contentedness. Only when you learn to love yourself, and to be your own best friend can you rid yourself of the loneliness you feel and go about constructing healthy relationships not based on need or desire to be loved.

You need to find the true root of your desire to be loved, and to question why you feel the need for it so strongly that you wish to take your own life because you do not have it. Because suicide is not the answer, according to Buddhism you will have squandered a precious opportunity (of being human) and will be reborn in the lower realms.

I think it may help to speak with a professional about your situation, having dealt with many people suffering from social anxiety and depression with various forms of low self esteem and suicidal thoughts I have seen the way that talking with someone can really improve an individuals life. At least give it a try before you do something so permanent as taking your own life. There are people who will listen and there are people who care, but you have to be the one to reach out and admit you need it.

I sincerely wish you the best of fortune with your path, you are so young and whilst it may feel like the things you want will never happen for you, they definitely wont if you take your own life.