I had people suggest autism to me throughout my childhood but it was always described as a disability. I didn’t see how I could be considered intelligent and disabled. All it took for them to back down is for me to assert that I wasn’t autistic. When I was 11, I was taken away from my alcoholic mother by the state and forced to go to a psychologist. She would ask me how what I went through made me feel. I would tell her that it was wrong. She would then tell me that is not a feeling. I had no idea what she was talking about so she showed me a chart with emojis and corresponding feelings. I told her it would be stupid and inefficient for me to waste my time with that. She told me if that were the case that there was something wrong with me and I would need to see a psychiatrist. I was sure there was nothing wrong with me but that clued me into needing to mask how I actually think. Looking back I was a very difficult child. I was aware of everything. I did notice that I was different than other children. I envied them because being what I considered to be simpletons seemed so peaceful. I did no homework for my entire schooling. I read a lot and was mostly educated by my father who was like a walking encyclopedia. I aggravated my teachers because I often knew more than they did about any given subject but still should have gotten mostly Fs because I did no work. They would begrudgingly give me Ds so they wouldn’t have to deal with me again. If I did not think they they were teaching something accurately, I would call them out in it. I was continually accused of being an instigator or high jacking the class. There were certain classes in Jr High that I didn’t have to take because some teachers refused to have me in their class. I couldn’t stand the fluorescent lighting in schools. I hated going to places like malls. To this day I have never clapped for a performance. I have an extreme aversion to handshakes, high fives, and hugs. At any job I’ve ever had I get bored and start pointing out what was in violation of the employee handbook, state or federal law. No employer likes this. It did eventually occur to me that I may be autistic. It wasn’t until I started reading about it that I realized that I was autistic as well as my children and father. My cousin came out to our family as autistic a few years ago. She was acting as if it was a big deal. My response to this was “Our entire family is autistic just simmer down”. She now works with autistic adults and is an advocate. It’s been interesting to find that there are people that think like I do. There is so much emphasis on trying to be like neurotypical people or people trying to make their children fall into line or people lamenting about not having social skills. I fully embrace autism. I see is as an ability. We are here to fill a unique niche that no one else can.