when did it hit you that something is "not right"?

my ed formed when i decided to start working out after reaching an obese BMI. at first the lifestyle change empowered me, i ate well without tracking and lost weight that way. but then i started to after getting into watching fitness youtubers and thought that’s what works for them so i should try it out too.

being in highschool, i obviously didn’t know about nutrition so i restricted too much and got into a binge cycle. this was before i understood what binging was and i just thought it was poor willpower.

after the binging came shame and it’s landed me in what’s been a 3 year cycle of just gaining/losing. only each restrictive phase comes back harder. my disordered thoughts/habits only progressed from there. eventually counting calories/losing weight became addicting and i haven’t stopped yet.

the first warning sign was not feeling like my progress was enough though. when i still had that innocent “healthy lifestyle.”

/r/EDAnonymous Thread