The last time in front of another person was in front of my now ex-girlfriend when we decided to end things because the distance was too difficult last week. That was really hard, not just because I was losing my best friend, but I had foolishly let distance do it to me twice. Both perfectly in love, able to imagine futures together, her having daydreams of us dancing in a house we had just purchased, me having daydreams of being able to buy her huge fishtanks filled with beautiful fish because for some reason she just loves them. But no, the stress, again, was too much of a strain on a relationship. I've cried a lot by myself since then too because of it, but that's not why I cried alone most recently.

I just watched Patton Oswalt's most recent special, where he talks about losing his wife, having to tell his daughter they've lost her mother, etc. That just wrecked me, but maybe in a really good way? He went through some real trauma, one of the worst things I could think of happening to someone in some of the worst circumstances. But the way he described how he cared for his daughter, the way he described how he was continuing living his life, it gave me some amount of hope as messed up as that is. I sat in an empty vet med library on a Saturday night and sobbed. The girl I love is still alive, she still gets to go and change the world in a way I know will be really positive and great. As messed up as it is, I'm just glad I didn't lose my best friend, I just don't get to see her anymore. But she still gets to eventually go be happy and get to go be the awesome person she is and that makes me cry happy tears tonite.