Anger management problems have plagued me my entire life. Once I got big enough to protect myself, I wanted to hit anyone and everyone. So I did. I got in lots of trouble for fighting, assault, battery, attempted murder (bullshit charge that was quickly dropped) and a host of other offenses due to my violent urges and manifestations of violent wishes upon others. I was uncontrollable and was kicked out of a home for troubled teens because I wouldn't adhere to any of the rules there. I ended up on the streets where shit just got worse.
Later in life I found a good job and made lots of cash but still the trouble found me and most of it was due to my violent tendencies. When it got to the point of, as the judge put it, going to jail or join the Army, I joined the Army.
Turned out to be the best decision of my life. I got what I lacked as a child; order and discipline. I was able to get away with lots of shit in private life but that ended immediately in the military. I learned more about myself than I ever did on my own. I matured and excelled in everything I did and got promoted quickly to NCO and Senior NCO. I loved what I did and was good at it.
But I also knew something I had struggled with my entire life was still with me. No matter how well I did in everything else in my life, it was still with me; my anger. It served me well in combat or so I thought but in reality, it also scared those around me at times. They often felt I was uncontrollable in combat, "trigger happy" as they put it. So after my 5th tour in Iraq and Afghanistan, I was pulled aside and told I needed to see someone, take a break, give it a rest...
I was livid. I was getting pulled because I shot too many enemy? What the fuck was that? But they were right. I loved it too much. I had a problem being good at being angry.
People say war is bad. It is. But some of us are born to do it and I'm one of those people. Scorn us if you will, call us baby killers or war mongers, I couldn't care less. When the shit hits the fan and a war must be fought, you go ahead and sit in your comfy couches and call us names and say the war is bad. I'll gladly go over there so you can do just that. It's what I do (did, retired now).