Why do you feel the family of the deceased are more entitled to their own feelings, simply because they are alive? I understand where you are coming from, I can promise you that.

An ex boyfriend of mine had PTSD and had an episode one night, he became suicidal and I was the only one there to try to diffuse the situation. He was driving, threw my phone out the window when I realized what was going on. I begged him to take me back to his place (I am Canadian and I was visiting him in the US) but when we got back and he got out of the car he jumped back into the car and told me he was going to the freeway to drive into oncoming traffic. I jumped on the hood of his car and told him if he was going to kill himself he would have to take me with him and know he did it, because I didn’t want to live without him. I saw the desperation in his eyes. They conveyed a pain I’ve never felt despite suffering from mental illness for ten years. I didn’t blame him in that moment. I rode on the hood of his car for a few blocks, with him speeding and swerving while somehow not falling off.

The story comes to an end two hours later after I, battered and bruised, snatched his phone and called 911 while he was taking all his pills. I blurted out the address before he grabbed the phone, grabbed my by my throat and knocked me out by slamming my head into the tiled bathroom wall and letting me fall backwards into the ceramic tub, I blacked out and came around to him trying to shake me awake and slurring his words. I managed to catch him off guard and tackle him down the stairs and outside where the police had just pulled up.

I thought he was going to die, his parents showed up, they thought he was too. This was his third attempt. After being in a medically induced coma for three days he pulled through. His family was elated, but admitted he was in so much pain, they would be willing to give him up in order for his pain to end.

That’s the end of my story and the lesson to be learned. If someone is hurting so badly that they take their own life, it is hard and you may feel they have missed out on so much. But what’s often just as painful for the family as suicide is seeing their loved one survive through unrelenting mental illness and not get any relief. This is the time to empathize and have compassion.