It did get better for me when I quit drinking. Not all at once. And I'm still not who and where I want to be. And I anticipate it'll keep getting better, I'll keep becoming better. The thing is, personal problems and life difficulties were there before I drank, and they're still present after, now that I'm sober. As well I had to change up people, places and things that were a part of my drinking. Starting over, that's hard. I've done it countless times, and it never feels good. But it's very necessary this time, and I'm putting my best foot forward here. Certainly, some days are emotionally draining, I'm tired, and don't want to keep going... sometimes... but I must! I made up my mind, and I'm seeing this thing through. I'm committed to being sober, whatever the cost.
Struggle is a part of life, I get that. Wrestling with life makes us stronger, adapt and change. I know that wrestling with alcohol going on almost 11 months, I'm naturally getting stronger as I resist it and enlist all the helps and strategies as well as this sub's encouraging words. And we're enabled now, more able than ever, to reach for the good, the better and best... of ourselves and our lives, now that we've put alcohol behind us.
The further we go, the further it falls behind us. Maybe. Or maybe alcoholism is and always will be part of our story going forward. That's OK! Regrets are a funny business, because I figure I wouldnt be who I am and where I am if not for... all the BS I went through and survived, as well as all the good and true things. I found some very beautiful people through life, I discovered some really wonderful things, and uncovered a few mysteries. There's still so much more to see and do, and I wonder who I'll become.
I don't know that we ever stay exactly the same. I know I'm not the same as I was when I was 25. I won't be the same when I'm 55. But I changed that one big thing that was changing me for the worse. I stopped drinking! It's not blind optimism that I should change for the better here on out. If alcohol was negatively changing how I thought and behaved, worse the longer I drank, I think it's only reasonable to suppose that since I'm now sober, that's nolonger happening. I'll gain more satisfaction, more confidence, more strength. There is nothing but gains to be had being sober, compared to the increasing loss and eventual self destruction that alcohol brought.
Not drinking didn't dissolve all my difficulties. But now I can see them more clearly, I'm not retreating into a bottle to deal with them, and I have to face them. The difference now is that drinking... was it's own problem, and I'm nolonger dealing with alcohol itself, or the multitude of negative consequences and effects of alcohol. That's good. Now I have to live my life. It'll be scary, doing life without the crutches I was used to using, but its all going to be alright.