I was 13 and kept focusing more and more on the other boys at school. In my head, I thought I was just comparing myself to them, which I probably was on some level, as most adolescents do. However, I was unconsciously obsessed with them in a physical sense as well. Like, I would just keep gawking at guys chests and hairy legs/arms and stuff like that. But I didn't know what it meant, it was just something I did instinctively.
Then I started getting erections, and learned about masturbation in sex ed. The first time I ever acted on my sexual curiosities was when I looked up on google how to masturbate/masturbation techniques. Hadn't even came or jacked off at that point, I was just curious. Anyways, I stumbled upon this website, Jackinworld (which I just looked up and apparently still exists and has the exact same layout as it did when I was 13, which was in 2003-04, lol). I went to the "basics" section, and I remember feeling super flushed upon seeing that dick drawing. Partially from just the general "naughtiness" of it, but also because it was sort of a sexual awakening of sorts. My first "taste" of cock, LOL.
So a little bit after that, I finally did masturbate for the first time and then started doing it regularly. But I wasn't fantasizing about guys while doing it yet, because in the early masturbation stages, it's all about physical curiosity and you're pretty much just getting off from touch alone. But I did start going online more and more to read about masturbation. And eventually that shifted into looking at pictures and videos of guys masturbating. The idea that I was attracted to guys still hadn't crossed my mind though. In my head, I was just a man, learning how masturbate like other men do. I figured that was what all the guys were looking up.
One day while my parents were gone, I decided to rummage through their closet in hopes of finding porn. I was successful! It was an old VHS tape of a kama sutra type thing consisting of a man and woman showing the different sexual positions/techniques and such. I started jerking off to that whenever I got the chance. And obviously, I was always honed in on the guy and his dick and never the woman. I did start to become slightly aware of that fact, but (and this makes me laugh so hard now) I wasn't focused on him because he was attractive. No, I was simply just training myself to be like him, in hopes that it would speed up the process of puberty, because I simply just hadn't reached that stage yet where I liked girls. I was still waiting for "the moment". The moment when I would finally see all these hot girls I kept hearing about from guys at school.
But obviously that moment never happened, and I just kept oogling all the guys at school. Then came the adventures of porn and google image search. For the longest time, I would just look up "guys masturbating" and search through that. But then one thing led to another and I soon discovered what gay actually meant, and what two guys can do together, and how big dicks can get, and then I realized that I was really into hairy bears, and I started to look up things like "gay hairy bears blowjob cum porn" and one day after shooting my load and staring at the screen, the realization that I was really into dudes and it wasn't gonna change just sorta bubbled up, and then I was kinda just like "oh...i'm gay aren't i....i'm actually fuckin gay...this is me...", and started crying. I was around 15-14ish i think.
So there's my answer. "gay hairy bears blowjob cum porn" on google image search is the first time I realized I was into men. LOL.