Genuinely this was an interview at a job I didn't really want but was made to attend because the job center said they would sanction me so I went and I got the job genuinely don't know how.
Interviewer - Hi (Shakes my hand)
Manager - Hello have a seat (Shakes my hand)
Me - Greets them back
Interviewer - Ok well lets begin then, so, what interested you in this role
Me - Well the job center said they would sanction me if I didn't apply.
Interviewer - (Looks a little shocked) I appreciate your honesty but what motivates you?
Me - Seriously I need the money, either from this 4 hour contract or JSA I really have no choice other wise I will starve to death. (I sort of awkwardly smile)
Interviewer - (Bursts out laughing) I can't write all that down
The store manager just sits silently starts to smile
Me - Should talk slower so you can get it all down
The store manager puts his hand on his mouth to hide the fact he is laughing and and is sat there bobbing up and down trying not to make any noise
Interviewer - (Jaw drops and still laughing) we will move on, Can you name some of your weaknesses?
Me - Arsenic, Cyanide, Botulism as a human there are so many.
The store manager can tell by now I am not taking any of this remotely seriously and calms down and leans forward and puts his hands on the desk.
Interviewer - (At this point she puts her pen down) No I mean you weak points?
Me - Solar Plexus, Elbows, Kneecaps, Genetals a shot to them would probably take most people down right?
The store managers jaw drops open and looks at my interviewer
Interviewer - (trying really hard not to laugh) No what do you struggle with?
Me - Understanding what you are trying to get at?
Interviewer looks gob smacked and the store manager looks at her and at me and back to her in what can be described as surprise and has a huge grin on his face like child at Christmas I can't tell if it's at her struggling to get a straight answer out of me or this interview in general, meanwhile I am just stone faced
Interviewer - Let me rephrase if you got the job while on the shop floor what would you struggle with.
Me - I'm sorry I really don't understand what exactly you want me to say. (I glance down at the papers I received from the job center, I flick through and pull out a sheet) I mean it says here "you will be provided full training" so if I found anything hard after being training wouldn't that technically be the company trainers fault for not showing me properly?
They look at each other in amazement: Interviewer - Well - urm yes but is there anything about the job you might find difficult.
Me - It does say on my application that I checked "no" under disabilities so you know I have no learning disabilities or general physical disabilities.
Interviewer - (She quickly checks and says) yes
Me - Well doesn't that already answer that question?
The manager sits back in his chair childishly grinning, my interviewer is all over the place now with my paperwork and tries to get the interview back on track.
Interviewer - Moving on, so what would you say is you greatest problem when dealing with new people.
Me - Honesty, I tend to answer before thinking the questions through.
Interviewer - Laughs, I can see that, well that will do (she picks her pen up and writes it down)
Store Manager interjects - Lets say I'm a customer... "I am bringing this back it is faulty I want a refund" (hands me his jacket).
My interviewer looks at the manager and then her pen hovers over the paper, she is eager to see what I say.
Me - I say no problem can I just check for where it is faulty, (I look at is for a second) This appears to be from Tesco that is a different company, I am afraid you need to take it back to Tesco.
Store manager - Just.. Interviewer is just sat with her mouth gaping open
Me Carrying on - Do you have your receipt, the law says you have 28 days, but without it you may only be allowed an exchange within reason assuming the item hasn't been marked down and the damage did not occur through anything other than intended usage but I am not familiar with Tesco policy.
Store manager - How about this, hands me a tie from this store.
Me - Well I am new to this company so I am not familiar with company returns policy, however, I do know all returns are done at customer services and the staff there can help you I can take you there, I have a few questions to make their job easier, do you have your receipt.
Manager - No
Me - Ok, when did you purchase the item and what was wrong with it
Manager - I don't know when I bought it, and it doesn't fit..
Me - Ok well sir it's a tie, they are a universal size, I can assure you if this one doesn't fit none will have you tied googeling tie knot tutorials.
The interviewer starts roaring with laughter.
The manager goes bright red
I am sat there looking him square in the eye and said "If you would still like a refund I am sure they will grant you one." He said I have heard enough.
Like I said I still got the job and I am still working there, they find me amusing because I still don't take any of it seriously and it is really easy work.