About five minutes ago, lol. Womp.

I don't even have a right to be sad or upset -- things are going objectively well for me right now. I'm almost done with the first year of medical school. I just bought one of my dream cars. I'm in the healthiest, most gratifying relationship of my life with the most incredible man I've ever met, whom I absolutely adore. For the first time, I have hope for the future -- after so many years of things going so catastrophically wrong in my life, it seems like things are finally starting to look up. I'm incredibly fortunate to be where I am today.

...And yet I'm sitting here, staring at a lecture video and trying to muster up the willpower to hit play, but I just can't. I couldn't do it yesterday, and I probably won't be able to do it tomorrow, either. I'm not sure I could describe what it feels like even if I tried, but it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

Intellectually, I can appreciate that the real reason for how I'm feeling is a chemical imbalance in my brain. But emotionally? I'm angry at myself. I have no right to feel like this. Things are going well. I should be happy. Why can't I just be happy?

Fuck depression.