When me [25M] and my girlfriend [25F] argue (rarely) and she is wrong she acknowledges it, but refuses to apologize

Has she actually shown action though? That's what matters. If she doesn't believe in apologies that's fine and different from displaying remorse. Is she making it right? Is she addressing the issues other than not saying the words?

Example scenario: I confided in a close friend of mine about something personal from my past. She turned and posted it on social media as if it was one of "her moments".

I called her out on it and how it was insensitive and messed up. She threw out a half-assed "stuff we talk about stays with me, didn't intend to be insensitive, sorry for being an asshole" and then kept the post up. She proceeded to disappear for a week when I pointed out that was a crappy apology.

When she returned, she claimed she was busy (she kind of was) and then tried to continue as if absolutely nothing had happened. When she realized I was still annoyed about the situation, she was surprised I was not going to let it go and that I over think things sometimes (I do). I pointed out that she hadn't really addressed the issue, nor was her apology really an apology so it was a pretty clear cut reason why I was annoyed. Her response was that she wanted to "just get past this and get her friend back and we'd have to pick this up later"

Cue her disappearing again for 2 weeks this time, and then picking up again recently wondering why I was still annoyed and that we'll have to talk about it some other time but that defending oneself doesn't really have a time limit. (I disagree). After a not constructive discussion where I pointed out again that she hasn't said or done anything to indicate any real remorse or address the issue / my feelings on the issue my prior opinion stands. She has since indicated that we'll discuss it later. Seeing a pattern?

To her credit she does not let things necessarily get her down and she herself is very forgiving and moves past a lot of things quickly (also represses a lot). But she clearly lacks empathy in realizing that it's not about just her "letting it go" but whether or not her actions were sufficient for the wronged party.


For both of us it all comes down to does she care about your feelings on the matter. Does she take action on in meaningful ways? In my case, she hasn't. She doesn't see it as her problem and her "apology" was enough and I just need to get over it. So she just goes without and ignores me/the problem until she thinks I'll be over it and she doesn't have to deal with it.

What is your girlfriend DOING in your case (other than not saying I'm sorry).

/r/relationships Thread