When my [36m] wife [28f] has one on one time with our daughter [5f] she doesn't take her to kid-friendly stuff. I always do, and wish she would too.

This is a great topic—the advice will be very different from people of different generations and cultures. My grandparents would say that children have to fit in to the lives of adults and not the other way around. They did not play with kids at kid-level and boredom was a regular part of life. They let the kids listen to adults socializing and thought kids would learn to behave like adults through that exposure.

My parents went the total opposite way and didn’t do adult activities for years while we were young; they were always doing kid-friendly stuff with us. In elementary school I had to tell them we had to stop playing so I could go do homework. Despite these big differences, everyone got through childhood just fine and are now functioning adults. This issue seems really major when your daughter is 5, but when she goes to school it will be of less importance.

Even though this seems like a kid issue, it could really turn into a marriage issue. Be careful of building resentment if you think your spouse is carrying on a carefree life with her friends while you are stuck at the park for the 8,000th time.

The truth is a 5 year old can fight this battle themselves. They let you know when they are unhappy and your daughter is probably making your wife’s hangouts pretty fragmented with lots of “I want a snack!” and “can we go yet?!” to the classic, “this is so boring!” If your daughter is putting up with the hangouts quietly enough for them to continue, she may not be as miserable as she says. I don’t know your wife though, and if she is severely reprimanding your daughter to get her to be quiet so she can have fun it may be different. If not though, I would let your wife and daughter work out their time together.

/r/relationships Thread