When is it ok to not follow the leaders of the church's advice?

When they don't have a gun on you.

From your description I get a furry of questions that jump out me;

Why would you bring this up with the leadership of the church - what business is it of theirs?

Is your god only accessible through them? Have you tried talking to God yourself and seeing what he says?

What does your girlfriend want to do?

Is this a church that is going to try to break up your family if you don't do what they say?

Do these guys have some ascendant rights or knowledge above and beyond everybody else's? Like, should this reddit go on their knees to them, become subservient to them and see how we can make our lives right with God through them as opposed to say, reading the Bible or praying directly to God? If you think this reddit should not be supplicating before them, should you? If you think this reddit should bow down to them, then maybe you should stay there and do what they say.

Of course you don't have to answer any of these questions, they just kind of pop out the situation.

.

The evil side of me wants you to go to them and say, "I have been talking to God about my girlfriend and myself. He says we are forgiven and he wants us to get together and start planning a future together. He also says your sex lives are giving him heartburn. He said he is very unhappy with the finances of the church too. The last thing he said was that he would have more news for me soon, do you know what that might be about? Is there something you are not telling me? Have there been any sins committed here at the church that we should tell God about?"

I am not really recommending doing that but you could think about it from time to time if it makes you feel better.