When parents overshare their children's disability

I think that it can be a very fine line. I only share the specifics of my or my kids' challenges with a very few close friends.

I don't actually know many parents who have dealt with the same issues that I've had- triplets with autism, one child a danger to himself and caregivers, group home life, teenagers who hadn't been 'cured' by early intervention. We've had times in our lives (when I was trying to convince our provincial government not to take custody away from me when I couldn't keep my son safe, or his sisters or I safe from him, and had to place him in a group home, because I couldn't give him the support to keep him safe). He's in a good place now, with more support than I could have given him, but I'd still like to cry about that every day.

I've found that the autism 'community' isn't really big on grey areas. I'm a huge fan of neurodiversity, but I also recognize that I need to make decisions for my non-verbal children, based on the knowledge that I have of them. I may be guessing wrong, but I'm trying to do it from a place of love and care. And I only talk about the very real challenges that I and my kids face with other people who understand where we're coming from. I don't overshare, I don't think. There are very, very few people who know or can understand the challenges that my kids face, or who can understand our lives.

I have found it very isolating (as an 'autism' parent) to admit that my son was better served in a group home with 24/7 support than he could be at home. I could have kept him at home- our local CAS (CPS in the U.S.) tried to get me to surrender my two daughters (also autistic), and keep my son at home. It came down to numbers for us- do the best that you can for 2 autistic kids, and also get support for the 3rd autistic kid. Not an ideal situation for anyone- I get through each day pretending that I did the best for each child.

I think that a lot of parents and families in crisis don't overshare- there's still too much of a stigma, and a lack of resources. There's an expectation in the parental 'autism world' that if you do early intervention, your kids will sail through life. I love my children, and I am so proud of them. I can't even imaging what my life would be like if I was non-verbal, aggressive, and self-injurious. My son eats his arm when he's upset or feeling out of sorts- I don't think that my life has necessarily been that easy, but I've never had to resort to severing my tendons with my teeth.

I don't usually talk about my kids' challenges, or mine, because of privacy issues and hope. I would give almost anything if my kids could speak for themselves- I want them to live the life that they deserve, and while I can try to decipher what they want or hope for, it's often a shot in the dark on my part. I wish that my kids could speak for themselves, but they can't. I have to do the best that I can as a parent and as someone who loves them and acknowledges them for the awesome people that they are. I really doubt that I'd be as kind and patient as they are, if our situations were reversed.

/r/autism Thread Link - dailylife.com.au