Oh my. I am so so sorry. I literally have tears rolling down my face. I am so sorry about your mom.

Please do not give up. You are right. Your mom would not want you to give up. You HAVE to do this for her (obviously for yourself as well but when you feel weak, think of the support she gave you, how she was here for you. Picture her face and do not let her down) Somehow, maybe this can keep you motivated. maybe that's ridiculous.

I am here for you. Truly. You can PM me anytime, all the time, if you need to. I really don't talk too much about this stuff on my reddit account and actually just recently subbed here. I will probably delete this message at some point. But, we can talk through me PM. I can help you. You are not alone. You would never know from my post history and I like to keep this part of my life private. However, I know how hard coming off is and am very familiar with subs. Everything that you are going through is very hard, to lose your Mother on top of it is just.. It's just fucking awful. I feel that pain too.

You are not alone.