I adore this sub, and it saddens me that it looks like some very thoughtful comments have been deleted simply because they questioned a mod's opinion. I'm not sure if this is true, but it's making this sub look tyrannical in nature and like there is only one RP answer to every post, which is simply not true as life is full of gray areas and subjective interpretation. RP is a spectrum, not a binary yes/no. Just because someone disagrees doesn't automatically make their advice "not RP".

Do trolls post here? Yes, and those posts should absolutely be monitored and removed. But actual thoughtful discussion from women who align with RP philosophy in response to an OP? No one was saying, "Screw your man! Focus on your hobbies and career at all costs!" It's a discussion on what is worth giving up and appropriate to sacrifice in newer relationships like this. This isn't a marriage. Dating is about finding a suitable partner, which means a partner's suitability should naturally be questioned if something happens that seems too unreasonable and violates basic boundaries. How is discussing this not RP related? This isn't RedPillWives, where we assume going into every single post that a woman has found a good man. Whether or not the Captain is a suitable leader is the first question (and obviously up to OP to decide) before the standard "Dress feminine! Submit!" can even be applied.

I saw another reply that said a commenter's use of the word "controlling" automatically meant that commenter didn't belong in this community. ..What? Ignoring the fact that some men are controlling in an unhealthy way (often including pressuring their SO to forsake non-threatening friends and hobbies to isolate them and ensure their codependence) is like sticking our heads in the sand. Do we want to believe every RPW has found herself a good man like many of us have? Of course. But when all the information we're given in a post sounds as though the man in question may not be a suitable Captain, and may in fact be a manipulative person, thoughtful discussion shouldn't be invalidated simply by saying "it's not RP" and nothing more. Only fanatics can't handle thoughtful discussion that analyzes issues critically. A huge part of RP is critical thinking and seeing the world as it really is. The reality is, this guy may not be a good Captain, and commenters shouldn't be shamed for thoughtful discussion on the subject.

All that to say, for this particular situation, I think more information is absolutely needed. The two most likely scenarios I see are that OP has left out some critical information, maybe about what her SO knows or has said or how she treats him, or if not, she's possibly opening the door to a very toxic relationship where she isn't allowed to do normal things (staying physically healthy and having hobbies are normal and do contribute to SMV/emotional stability) because it "may upset her SO". That is unhealthy controlling behavior when there is no reason and no threat to the relationship or OP whatsoever involved. We can dress it up however we like, but if OP has been truthful and straightforward, this doesn't sound like something within OP's power to fix unless a serious discussion on boundaries takes place.

Again, I adore this sub. It saved my relationship, and I've learned so much here. I normally don't post much and tend to observe and learn, but I couldn't keep quiet on this one. To me, a huge part of RP is the focus on being a strong woman capable of independent thought both for myself and for my man. Nowhere does it say to submit to a tyrannical leader or to be a doormat. Nowhere does it say when you date someone you can't think critically about their behavior and treatment. If my SO suddenly ordered me to stop going to the gym for no reason other than he didn't like me to go, I would respectfully discuss the issue with him to understand his POV, but it would definitely be a discussion. Maybe he will have a reason when we talk it through, maybe not. I will bend over backwards to please him, cherish him, and show him how much I respect and adore him, but I'm doing both of us a disservice the minute I give up my individuality, my hobbies and friends outside our relationship, and my independent thoughts.

Trust your gut, OP. You know him better than any of us. If you think you can understand where he's coming from, make the sacrifice. If you sense something isn't right or that your basic boundaries are being violated, ask him to sit down and talk until a compromise can be reached or until you realize this isn't the Captain for you. Don't let it fester or you'll likely feel resentful later on.

Life is full of hard choices and gray areas, and anyone who tells you there is only one RP way doesn't understand RP at all.