"When someone dies you never quite get over it" I dont like that idea

I am sorry you lost your son and your father. I am glad that you are laughing and joking though. Im sorry you are complaining, that doesnt sound fun or nice at all. I never like having to complain about things.

But when you laugh and joke do you truly feel happy? Like you forget all the troubles? Or do you feel like that is never reached?

To me never getting over it means that it will always be a stain on your soul, and it prevents you from being truly happy. When I laugh when I joke, it feels empty. It never really reaches my core. Never really lets me feel true happiness.

After my parents died friends in my life really helped me out and helped to get me back on my feet. But I feel like an empty shell. I dont really feel alive anymore. There is a hole in my chest where the feeling of love used to be. Though it might not be so much of a hole as instead of love I only feel hatred. A seething hatred, towards myself. Like I really hate myself. But the worst thing I do is not let myself enjoy my life. There is a pool outside my home and people are out there, and I feel like I would have a good time going out there, but I never let myself go. I dont want to. I dont want to be happy because suffering is what I need to do. I feel like I need to suffer until my soul burns in the pits of hell because hell is where I belong.

I was never the best son I could be and now they are gone and what right do I have to feel happiness?

/r/grief Thread Parent