That's not actually what it says. I spent seven years living on the bank of the Pearl River in Guangzhou as a marketing & trading liaison with China Southern Power Grid (中国南方电网). Part of my job was to analyze target markets for localized infrastructure-based development and power transmission. My job required me to basically generate market reports on areas the company was interested in, so I spent a lot of my time traveling across the region and noting demographics, regional dialects, political ideologies, and overall suitability for prospective development. Needless to say, I saw a lot of China and gained a comprehensive knowledge of the particulars of the written language.
That said, here is an accurate translation of the above transcription: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
If anyone should have anything else they would like translated, message me and I'll be glad to help. Until then, 觸摸我的屁股與你的泡菜!!