When you're caught on live TV giving your friend some cocaine

I've got a friend I've known since we were kids. He's a prototypical 1940s guy, despite being born in the 80s. He's not big on physical contact, 90% of time it's a fist bump, no handshakes, shoulder hug, high 5, nothing.

One night we're out drinking and he grabs himself a bag of blow on the way home which for some reason he can't do in the privacy of his own home so he asks me to pull off on a side road. He is absolutely hammered as he tries to set up his line on the center console. It takes him a half hour and he flatly refuses anyone who tries to help him do it. Yeah we're in the middle of nowhere at 2am, but we're still in a parked car, on a road, with someone trying to do coke inside so I was understandably nervous some patrol car could roll up any minute.

He finally finishes. It took one half hour to take a full bag and put it into two monster lines, one for him, one for someone else. He takes his line, holds it for a second, and sneezes like a baby panda. Poof. All that work and $25 worth of coke hanging in a white cloud in front of him.

But it's a humid summer night so a lot of it stuck to the card he used to cut it. I get worried it's going to take him another half hour to set it up for himself so I scrap it off the card quickly for him.

Like a toddler wanting a bottle, this dude who normally doesn't even shake my hand, grabs my finger with a minuscule amount of residue on it and shoves it in his mouth and starts to lick it.

https://media.giphy.com/media/L4TYWQn8rALRu/giphy.gif

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