Ok, I used the wrong language. I was judging her. I still think she's a great person, but I was judging this specific belief/aspect.
I think all the downvotes are evidence enough of judging, especially all the ones on my most innocuous comments. Also telling me people probably don't like me because I'm so evil and judgy (not that I'd expect any less, lol). Not saying you specifically said or did any of this, I more just meant the sub in general.
Would you care to care to explain why, though?
Sure, no problem. I can see why someone would find it a little odd, so here's my best explanation for why I feel that way. With an ex who he hasn't spoken to in years, it's over. She's not interested in him, he's not interested in her. ESPECIALLY if it wasn't a serious relationship and was just one hookup in their early 20s or late teens, and especially if the girl in question isn't even in contact with him and doesn't speak to him beyond just saying "Oh hey, nice to see you here" and then goes back to her group of friends. On the other hand, an attractive woman actively trying to sleep with my husband is hurtful to me. She knows he's married, I'm standing right there, and she's disrespecting me. Even if he's not going to sleep with her, it's humiliating that she thinks this behavior is acceptable right in front of me. She's basically saying "I think I'm better than you and I think your husband would rather be with me than with you." My husband gets similarly annoyed if a man brazenly hits on me in front of him- not at me, but at the man. My husband rarely acknowledges when women are hitting on him and he doesn't shut it down, which makes me even more embarrassed. And given that I have an anxiety disorder, even though I don't believe he's going to cheat on me, it's hard not to think about it when he's talking to some woman who's clearly hitting on him.
If you think about the men on this sub who cheat on their wives (and there are tons) how much of it is with an old one night stand from 10 years ago who he no longer speaks to and who is in a new relationship of her own, versus a hot woman he meets while married who actively pursues him and "falls in love" with him? I just see the latter as a much more risky situation based on what I see happening in real life.
You're right, I can't. And I have never, in my entire life, said that.
Apologies, either I misunderstood you or I confused you with someone else.