I remembering watching Spiderman 2, and aunt Mae told Peter that he has to put the woman first if he wants the relationship to succeed. As a young man, I took this and ran (never did I think hey, aunt Mae isn't the voice of all reason, or, some writer just made that up). In every relationship I had since, I always put the girl first, did whatever I could to make her happy, but the results were always the same, we both ended up resentful of each other...me for doing a lot of things I wanted to make her happy while she would never be appreciative of it, and her for not being able to do anything for me since I was so obsessed with taking care of the both of us that she wouldn't have to worry about doing anything herself.

The cycle was always the same. I would meet a cool chick, become bfgf, she'd say I love you, I'd say I love you, talk about marriage, and how she wants to have my babies, we'd be really happy and excited for a while. Then, I'd start to have anxiety, didn't know what to do, and it would get worse, soon after I'd start losing weight, have suicidal thoughts, she would become disinterested in me, sex, spending time together. Then, she'd claim she wanted to wait to get married/have kids, or not at all. Eventually, we'd break up, and never talk to each other again.

A while ago, before I met my current gf, I learned about how to deal with my anxiety, and how to put my needs first. The first girl I started seeing seriously I treated as bad as I could, damn, I was an asshole to her. We broke up, spent some time apart, and I learned how to respect women, while putting my needs first. We started seeing each other around a lot, and I asked her to hang out, eventually, we started seeing each other seriously again and fell deeply in love. I'm still learning...this will prolly never get seen, but it's been a long, frustrating road, so many changes, and it's still not over.