3. In which I channel my inner /u/polenicus and use cynicism to parse an email from...

In which I channel my inner /u/polenicus and use cynicism to parse an email from my nMom

In the spirit of /u/polenicus I hope it's okay if I give it a little go too?

I would like to figure out how to heal our relationship.

Translation: "If I keep trying different emotional blackmail tactics on you for long enough, I'm hoping something's going to work on you soon and I'll get CONTROL of you again. You as a person are worthless to me, what I care about is our RELATIONSHIP- by which I mean me controlling you."

I know you want your space but somehow can we figure out how to have a relationship?

Translation: "I'm aware that you've told me you want space. However your feelings and needs are not at all important to me, so Im just gonna bulldoze over your needs. I need to have CONTROL over you and MY needs are more important than your NEEDS because... " Hmmm I'm guessing the reason is going to be either oh holiest of holies FAMILY or that you are a SUPERIOR being. Let's see shall we....

Family means so much to us

Oh wait - you've gone for BOTH reasons. That's a real curve ball. Nice work. Translation: "we're better than you because we care about Family more than you do. Also, family is another word I use when what I really mean is CONTROL. CONTROL means so much to us. So basically you've got to let me control you because I need to control you and my needs are more important than yours because I'm a better person than you are because... Control means so much to us. So basically you've got to let me control you because etc... Why can't you see how logical I'm being?"

Dads birthday is next week. He is a quiet, good man, but broken inside. Aged more over the last few months.

Translation: "You have to come back and let me CONTROL you because I've broken your Dad. Ooops how did that happen? Certainly nothing to do with me. Probably all your fault for sticking up for yourself in fact. Now don't get me wrong. I don't actually miss you, *Im * not feeling sad - I'm telling you this for your Dad because he is sad. Not me, I'm just fine. Except that I need to control you. But apart from that. I'm good, doing just fine. So don't get the idea that you're important to me or anything. It's all about control. Did I make that clear yet?"

Phew better stop there.

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Do you ever question yourself? I told my therapist about how my mom kicked me out and then texted me less than a month later telling me I should come visit. He told me I was "biased" against her and she wasn't seeking narcissist supply Why can’t I wear makeup around my father. If you have a narc near you, disengage in conversations. Use the grey rocking technique. Do everything in your power to appear uninteresting. You cannot win in a conversation with them. They live in their own reality and even statistics and facts wouldn't let them see any other reality than theirs. Being the first person in my family to break our generational trauma, but also REALIZING AND ACKNOWLEDGING that there is trauma Nmom cried to my friend and told them what a terrible son I am when I went to the bathroom. Now friend is on her side. Mom ruined birthday surprise friends planned for me Legal liability if you refuse to take care of elderly parent? Did anyone else sense that something was clinically "off" or "wrong" with their Nparents as far back as they can remember? Why are abusive mothers coddled so much? What was the worst “punishment” that you got from your nparents and why? How do you change inner voices? Did y’all grow up feeling like you were always spied on? so nmom called me this morning to say we need to have a serious talk. What traits have lingered for you after *years* of NC?

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