Please remove my post if it’s inappropriate.
This post is fascinating for me. Just over 3 weeks ago, I witnessed a suicide. I didn’t know the person, and was driving past as a passenger. I didn’t realise what I was witnessing, and as soon as my brain realised what it was I looked away. I’m not sure how long I looked it felt like 1 second but the details and the sounds were crystal clear in my memory.
It’s important for me to say I have suffered the last 7+ years from depression, anxiety fluctuating from moderate to severe. I didn’t sleep for 3 nights after this because of not only the trauma of witnessing something like that, but the fact that every single little detail was on a loop in my mind. I went to see my GP to get something to help me sleep and when he told me that I’m traumatised I thought that was bullshit, because I wasn’t the one who had to retrieve this guys body, I wasn’t a friend or family member getting that awful news. I was just a passerby who looked in the wrong direction that day.
But it dawned on me that for the rest of that week I was literally in a zombie like state, my body was shocked and I was processing what had happened. I didn’t actually speak to anyone further than my GP’s 10 minute appointment because 1. I do not want to take up mental health resources when I am not rock bottom, especially after a lot of the events which I witnessed could be prevented with more mental health resources where I live, but 2. I actually feel ok. More OK than I have done in the last 7 or so years. Its strange for me to feel so ‘OK’ but I feel like that 1 second of trauma has altered my perspective on life, and I see things a lot more clearer and positively now.
I know it’s only been a few weeks. This article/post caught my eye and your comment felt like it made a lot of sense to me. Sorry if this is banging on, thanks if anyone reads this at all. If it’s inappropriate please let me know and I will delete it.