The kid's name, perhaps appropriately, was Chad.

This young man and I became acquainted back in fifth grade, after he made the independent decision to start hanging around with my group of friends. Nobody really liked him, but every so often, he'd offer up some absolutely astounding "insights" on subjects of incredible interest. On one occasion, he gave us an in-depth description of what it was like to go skydiving, and on another, he explained how we (then age ten or so) could come to possess a motorcycle of our very own.

Still, all of those details paled in comparison to the time that he told us about the pornography that he'd seen.

"Ugh, fine!" Chad shouted at us once. "If you guys really want to know how sex works, I'll tell you!" Seeing as how the rest of us had been discussing Star Wars, the sudden exclamation seemed a little bit out of place. "You just put her penis on your vagina... yup... hold it for a while... and nine months later, she's pregnant."

"That's not how it works!" one of my friends replied. "Girls don't have penises!"

"Look, whatever!" said the young man, rolling his eyes. "I saw a movie of people doing it last night, so I know what happens."

This was incredibly interesting to us, and we encouraged him to tell us more.

"Okay, so, listen," he continued, "first the girl has to try to swallow the boy's penis, because otherwise she'll be allergic to it. Then the boy has to stretch her butt apart with his fingers so that he can put his penis inside it."

Another of my friends made a disgusted face. "Into her butt? Why?"

"Because that's what happens!" the kid shouted. "Then they both have sex with each other at the same time, and..." he trailed off, and I got the distinct impression that he'd run out of material. "And... and then the velociraptors come in."

"'Velociraptors?'" I repeated. "What are you talking about?"

"That's what happens in sex movies! After the boy and girl are done sexing, they have to fight velociraptors so that they don't get killed! Velociraptors can smell sex!"

While that didn't strike me as being entirely accurate, I could see the rationale behind including dinosaurs in a pornographic movie. After all, it must have been incredibly difficult to get a husband and wife to have sex on film, and they'd probably only do it in big-budget pictures like "Jurassic Park." Including something like a velociraptor attack would lend the film an air of legitimacy, which would make the actors all the more willing to participate.

When I asked for confirmation on all of this, Chad replied: "Duh!"

TL;DR: A fifth-grade lesson in sexual education.