My first and only "long lasting relationship" was for 8 months when I was 25 with a man who was 42 years old. We did stay together as friends after that for a few years. We had such a connection that I knew what he was thinking by just hearing him breathe. I knew he had a heart problem by just holding him (he underwent an surgery over it). Dreamt about his defunct sister wearing very specific clothes as a kid before he even showed me a picture of her wearing those exact same clothes. Told him his father had died before he received the call. When on a trip in London (where I'd never been to before) he told me he wanted to show me something and went on a field trip until I gave him the directions (in blocks and turns) to the exact place where he wanted to take me. We even went to China and had to meet a contact to do a freight who was a man referred to him by a friend who ended being an employee of my late father's best friend. The connection was so special and strange. Then I had to fuck it all up like I usually did (and still do) and started drifting apart. Years went by and we saw less and less of each other for different reasons, but still sent a simple message on each one's birthdays. Last Wednesday was my 38th birthday and he's still the person I would need to hear from and was hoping he'd send a message or call or something but hasn't. I try to get him off my mind and can't, yet I'm just too proud and stubborn to admit it to him as I may sound week, clingy, needy and I can't play other but tough. Been feeling more and more alone without him and am pretty sure he will have been my last chance of a real close relationship. My heart will shut down one day filled with longing and regret. I know he is in a new relationship now but still wonder if he ever thinks of me, if we'll ever end back together or if we'll ever even see each other again.