waaayyyy late to the thing. this will get buried...and i'm good with that.

Matt. first unrequited crush. so many details i remember about him and our interaction over the years in college. the 3 that sit at the front of my memory 21 years on are (1) my college roommate sucked...to this day i can't stand him. contemplated suicide back then. matt's one reason why i'm still here. (2) years after we both graduated he said he could never be there for me the way i wanted and has spent the ensuing years avoiding even an annual "how's it going" email. (3) every guy I've ever dated gets compared to the version of him from that short period of time which is unfair to my boyfriends as well as myself. I'm sure my imagination of what could have been is far better than what could have actually happened but i do wish i had been mature enough to know then what i know now about people and maybe, with that extra knowledge, something could have happened. no idea where he is or what he's up to (he's a bit of a paranoid no-social media type) and i doubt very much he thinks of me as often as i think of him but i hope he's doing well.

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Yes...i know i need to let go and forget.