No ones going to see this but I think saying it out loud will be cathartic. I was best friends with this woman who was 15 years older than me when I was in my early 20’s. She was super cool, made friends with cool people I couldn’t have on my own, I really loved her. She did however have this “I’m the alpha bitch” type quality. It was the one thing I didn’t like about her. She was so confrontational and domineering.
One night we had gone out partying, and I got really wasted. Like throw up in the bathroom of the club and then go take more shots wasted. A group of us went to a late night restaurant. Like I said I was drunk and talking to this girl I had met and made fast friends with. She was sitting across from me and started talking shit loudly about me. I’m not even sure what happened, she was mad that I wasn’t upset about something that went down between her and someone else, that I didn’t realize had gone down because we were both hanging out with different people in the group.
Something in me snapped. My father had almost died in the weeks before this incident, my boyfriend broke up with me and moved across the country. I was living alone and beginning to be really depressed. I had just had enough. I don’t remember all that was said but I was like bring it. You want to fight let’s fucking fight. You want to take it outside let’s take it outside. This has only to me a few times in my life but if that switch gets flipped I go from being docile and meek to scary ice cold. I don’t give a fuck about anything cold. You could point a gun at me and Id say pull the trigger. Literally seeing red. I remember looking down at her and seeing fear in her eyes. I had out-alphad the alpha bitch.
I ghosted her after. I’m sure she would say it was the other way around but it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I think about her and our friendship. And how different my life might have turned out if that hadn’t happened. But I’m really happy with my life. So it’s like if that needed to happen to get me here so be it. I think I’ll always wonder about her.