Who is someone in your life that has actually made you a worse person?

It's 10PM and I havent slept in a day and a half. What the heck I'll post here and regret it later.

My mother's boyfriend. He was the last straw in my life -- the man who was supposed to restore my faith in people but instead only proved my anxieties right.

As I grew up, I got used to the idea of people screwing you over. I was the youngest of many, several children. Having so many older siblings meant I was ALWAYS getting pushed around, bullied, having my things taken away from me by them and being told to respect them as elder siblings. Sooner or later in life, one of my siblings was going through puberty and tried numerous sexual "experiments" on me (I was 8), which was more about a young teenager's selfish curiosity than anything. My sibling called it a game of "doctor and patient". Enough said. It was not a common or a re-occurring thing, it soon became a past time I'd rarely remember.

Then, when I was older (around 14 years old), someone else in my family had done something similiar. When they realized that I was too old to fall for that game, they never did anything again. I was starting to think that sexual play and non-consent shit was every person's problem. You have no idea how it felt growing up feeling different, because you think nothing is wrong until you try to make friends and they tell you that you're not normal, that your life is so vastly different to theirs.

At 16 I had my first highschool crush on a fellow student who was one year older than me but was still in the same grade. He invited me to watch a movie, the first time a boy had ever asked me out. I was excited, giddy, because I was nerdy and he was nerdy and oh-my-gosh my crush asked me out! Turns out he refused to let me go home after the movie, convinced me to stay at his place for the night, while his parents were overseas (not very far, but were gone for a week). He was pushy, touchy, and even though he had been my crush, I never wanted to do any of the things he was suggesting we'd do. Not right there, on the first night, having not even talked to this guy for that long. That chapter ends there. Intercourse didn't happen, but it went far enough to scar me. I ended up being completely naked, crying, and physically tearing my nails into his skin to make him stop. He stopped and that was that. He let me go, he blamed me for saying no, for "catfishing", I fell asleep crying, I woke up 2 hours later and waited at a bus stop for three hours to go home.

At 18 years old, I was walking down the street and a man tried to kidnap me. I don't know if kidnap is the right word, but he pulled his car over, asked me to get in, and actually got out of the car to argue with me. I was already pretty defensive, I started pushing him away when he tried to grab me. He gave up, and he drove off. Never saw him again. At this point, I just felt like every person ever was a scumbag -- including myself. I felt like human nature was disgusting.

At 20 years old, I was recovering. I started to experience life. I was old enough to live independently, I was experiencing the world, I started to realize that the world doesn't have to be the way I've lived it. I started to advocate for women's rights (and men's, eventually), I always tried to help people whenever I could intervene. That might seem nosey (and it is), but I felt better knowing I had at least helped somebody. I studied nursing, started working in a big hospital, it was good pay and I got to talk to patients who were strife with mental health problems and lifestyle problems (which are two main reasons why people go to hospital, especially if they've been in and out of hospital for years). I was able to connect with people and really believe in them. As much as I thought I was offering therapy to my patients, I'd like to think my patients were offering therapy to me.

At 21 years old, my mom left the country for a month. I agreed to let her boyfriend stay with me, because her boyfriend is here on a visa and doesn't want to drive (no insurance). So I'd drive him to his work, to the store, etc. Long story short, I believed this guy was a nice guy. He was very quiet, rarely talked. When he did talk, he offered kind advice. Sometimes I questioned his advice because he seemed to have a lot of dumb ideas, but I wrote it off as innocence (or ignorance). He was very timid, and shy. A whole month had passed, and my mother was coming home that day. That was when he snapped. He got me drunk, tried to do shit with me, it got pretty far but no clothes came off. Even though I was drunk, I still knew what I was doing, so the entire time it was against my will. I broke free from him and ran away to an empty bedroom (it was an extra room) and locked myself in it until my mother showed up 2 hours later. I didnt tell her anything. She took him home, I rarely saw her because I guess she figured I was sleeping (I did a lot of night shifts). Three days later, I finally had the courage to try to tell her. I started with a hint, and she knew with just the smallest nudge. She was frantic, crying, drama happened. Fast-forward two weeks and they've separated, I rarely talk to my mom because I hate the way she tries to defend his actions.

My mother's boyfriend was someone I legit trusted. He was the last person on earth that I would have ever expected to do anything. I suddenly became very unhappy. The life that I had accumulated for myself, the happiness I got from work, the self-therapy that seemed to be working -- all for nothing (it seemed). Everything good that happened in my life just seemed to come "undone" and was worthless. I felt like I had not changed at all as a person. The new life I created for myself suddenly morphed into the old life I've always had. I no longer felt strong, I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel proud. I broke up with my boyfriend because sex started to feel forced. Not that he'd ever hurt me, but I rarely wanted to have sex and was usually turned off whenever he'd be too playful. I felt so guilty that I had to break up with him because I just wanted him to move on without me dragging his life down. I suffered from depression and still do. I can hardly bring myself to drive to work because of it. I avoid shifts if I can, I avoid everything ever. In fact, I haven't left my house for two months except for the casual night shift at work. I'm running out of food in my house and I've resorted to eating a bag of almonds for dinner. Take that. I know no one will even read my post, but I just wanted to say a big "fuck you" to like everyone and everything including myself. I'm a lazy piece of shit that can't do anything and can't be happy.

/r/AskReddit Thread