My grand mother. My family's dynamic is quite toxic for reasons I don't fully understand so me and my siblings never really interacted with our external family beside's one of my aunts who still sticks around. We used to visit my grand mother when I was much younger but stopped I think due to conflict between my dad and his brother who took care of her. I ended up not talking or even seeing her for years. Over the summer, my sister, my aunt and I went and visited her in the hospital since she was very sick. It felt kinda weird since she was family but I felt so distant from her. I was a stranger and I didn't like that feeling. I wanted to be close to her and have an actual relationship with her. I was 19 so I wasn't beholden to my father and I could've tried to connect with her but I didn't. She never got better from that day and died in September. I feel bad that I feel bad about her death because I didn't really know her but I feel worse that I didn't try.