Ugh, it was a mutual friend of mine and my SO's. When we first met him he was a normal enough guy who worked like 80 hours a week to support his useless GF and her kid and sold a bit of trees on the side. Very calm, mellow dude.
Anyway, I'm at work one day and my SO texts me (he was in between jobs at the time) saying that Our friend (henceforth called R) had something happen and needed a place for him and his dog to stay for a while. Naturally, my SO said he could crash on our couch until he could get a new place. At first I didn't find much wrong with this, so I just thought "all right, whatever." There are 3 adults and a large dog in a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment.
Turns out, that R had to drop everything and leave his place because he got into a fight with his supplier and beat the guy with a hammer when he came to collect money owed to him. R didn't have it, said he would have it soon but the supplier wanted it right away. Finding this out after the fact bothered me, because obviously some shady people were looking for R and having him staying at our place puts both me and my SO at risk. So immediately I was not happy but I told R that as long as he gets a new place soon its fine.
But its not fine. R then quits his job. He had an argument with his boss and needed to leave. Honestly, I kind of understood because my SO had also worked at the same place, I knew the boss and he is a dick. And R's line of work is pretty specialized so there shouldn't be any problems in him finding another job. I am NOT happy at this point, and I tell my SO and R that he better get his shit together SOON.
R also brought his dog to stay with us. His Husky/Sheppard mix. The dog is spoiled as fuck, highly energetic and was never trained. R basically let her do whatever she wanted to and as a result the dog ruled his life. She also then ruled OUR lives. Any time someone knocked on our door the dog barked like crazy. Certain people that the dog didn't like, the dog would bark at non-stop if they visited. This meant that a lot of friends outright avoided us because R and his dog were always at our place. R fed the dog regular dry god food, but also would feed her right from his plate off of the fork he was eating with. It was absolutely disgusting. And on the nights that R wasn't home, the dog would beg and cry at the table and try to jump onto the table because my SO and I would not feed her scraps. The dog jumped on anyone that she liked. Get up in the morning, she'd jump on you. Home from work? Jump all over you. Went to the store across the street for 5 minutes? Yeah, you get it. The dog was pretty big (about 80lbs) and I'm on the small side (about 110lbs) and got knocked over by her numerous times. R's only method of discipline was to yell at the dog "NO". Which was completely ineffective. The dog also insisted that someone be paying attention to her at any given time. If my SO and I were sitting on the couch cuddling and watching a movie, she would try to force herself in between us. If you were just sitting around watching TV, reading a book, or doing something that wasn't paying attention to her, she would come up to you and start flicking your hand with her nose. Or put her head in your lap, Or put her feet in her lap and stick her nose in your face. It got REALLY annoying REALLY fast.
The kicker was when I got up one morning to have a shower. I was in my bathrobe and when the dog saw me she ran up to me to jump all over me. I kept my hand on her head to keep her down, which she retaliated against by sticking her head up my robe and licking me ON MY BARE ASS.
So, that aside, R found a new job. My SO also found a new job and I thought all would soon be right in the world. My SO and I booked a long weekend away to celebrate. We left R and the dog at home with a fridge full of leftovers (R didn't cook). When we got back, the fridge was still full. We had to throw it all out. Yet, every snack food had been eaten; two bags of chips, cookies, granola bars, crackers, etc. Apparently even reheating food in the microwave was too much for him.
Whatever.
So at this point I start asking R when he's planning on moving out. He says soon. My SO and I are also looking to move to a bigger place in a nicer neighbourhood. We let R know that he can stay until we move, but not after that. Then R tells us that he's not getting enough hours. Then he's not getting paid. Then he needs to borrow money. Then he needs another job again. He finds yet another job which is a bit of a longer commute but better pay. Fine. Whatever. Just get the fuck out of my house. My SO and I are looking at apartments, finding a few that we like. R is also apartment hunting online, finds a place, pays the deposit and I think FINALLY he's going to be leaving! Then it turns out that R fell for the oldest scam in the book, the whole "I'm away doing missionary work, and need to rent out my beautiful, fully-furnished apartment for $500/month, send me the money and I will mail you the keys." So he's out first and last month's rent and my SO and I are still stuck with R and his dog.
My SO and I finally find a nice apartment and sign the lease and pay our deposit. We tell R that his days are numbered. R actually manages to get upset with us because he assumed he could move with us. I've had enough of his shit by now and tell him to GTFO. R actually finds a decent place and starts making arrangements to move. We told R that he could have some old furniture we were going to get rid of when we move. R actually manages to ask us to give him more stuff in addition to everything else. He basically wanted ALL our furniture. For nothing. And had the balls to look disappointed when I told him no.
Naturally, shortly after we all moved, we stopped hearing from R. He owed me more than $500, charged about $100 in PayPerView porn and owed me for internet and utilities.