(Also sorry for this long ass reply i got to typing and flowed out, some is a reply to you but also more info for all those who lurk((Like I do on reddit too)) and want more info too)
"Your ability to be civil and support each other and your kid is what a family should be because its the real model family."
Is my goal, My wife is like i failed or its me, or she thinks she wants it and i dont and shes the bad one.
And i sat down and i was like look. If this dude you already just met after we "seperated" on tuesday is making you smile or does something i can not fill ever, then no matter how much i yell or scream or whatever the typical emotion could be nothing will change.
Same with her she knew and my desires no matter how much she may want to change or do it, if she just dosnt or cant then nothing she does or wants to do will ever fill it for me.
So I told her this has to be the best outcome, as now instead of say rushing to separate stay together here, we can avoid like physically affection and romance
outside of hugs or not i dont care whatever makes it easier mentally when dealing with all this is fine with me.
I told her I trust her so much i know she'll never screw me on this and vice versa. So this way we can slowly build a new account of like "backup" money that way me or her can have a nest egg to move in with whatever new girl or guy. But could still stay legally married till we are forced to not legally(why i mentioned citizenship for those reading this post too) That way if she loses insurance she can have mine and vice versa as still legally my spouse for benefits.
We can keep the house and car in name for both of us and never sell it, That way we always have this house even if one isnt here. and if both leave the us then we can sell it and spilt it evenly.
Told her if her condition becomes chronic and she needs a caregiver id be there as end of day shes the mother of my child and will be taken care of despite what a new girlfriend might feel.
Im like if this isnt the purest form of love i dont know what is, We build together, might find new people for desires or places or travel for our personal selves. But knowing at the end of the day we always will be there is a thing i think most would love to have.
I told her in my mind id be
1.kid
2.any new person
Like new person i know in our lives after say a year or two and moving out or such will be a focus. But end of the day I can not and will not ever let her be alone. and she feels the same.
I think that has to be best safety net ever, as family can turn you down and so can friends. But with our history and the whole "marry" your best friend. Means we know from all these years of marriage we really do have our backs at the end of the day.
My biological dad abandoned me and my mother, and my first step was abusive in every way you can to a boy from toddler till 10. then she got remarried again and seems shes happy(but i know theres been arguments and fights just not like my first step dad did to us so seems better im sure)
So my entire goal in life was having a family a kid, basically like ill divorce ill devote every minute and time and we did. I stayed at home helped raise kid and house and she worked from home we spent every moment basically watched the same shows laughed and joked.
So its like im convinced at least for us personally if I cant like "settle" for her and vice versa -and- be happy. It just wont happen.
So now we are tied together, watch out for each other always. And let each other be free to explore the world and have fun with a safety net and same goal and focus first on our one kid.
She worries how odd or weird it is when others know or see, and im like fuck em they all will be jealous i bet or eventually cheat or lie or tear each other down or fight and such.
So i dont care what the term is what the "idea" is just that at the end of the day when all the chips are down. We always have each other to lift each other up no matter now or at 70. We wont be ever truly alone.