WIBTA if I added stipulations to how I’d pay for my children’s colleges?

I know you're feeling like she's taking the cost of education for granted, but at the same time I think you need to realize that the reason she currently doesn't have some of focus and life/planning/work skills that you'd like her to is because the life you've provided for her up to this point hasn't required or allowed her to do so.

I'm not saying that letting her focus solely on her education thus far was wrong, just that it's not fair to discourage your kids from working and provide them with everything they need, but then also be upset that they don't seem to fully appreciate how much money and work funding a college education takes. I went through this same thing with my parents, and I think sometimes the mistake people make in creating a "better" life for their kids is not realizing that the lack of struggle means their kids are absolutely going to have a different attitude toward work and money than they did, and that your appreciation for those things came from lived experience, not just because past generations were more grateful for what they had.

Instead of expecting her to suddenly have a plan for the rest of her life, I think now would be a great time to start setting up some expectations as far as things she (and your other child) will need to do to do their part toward working for their education, whether it's something like an actual job that goes toward paying their phone bill, making industry contacts, internships, having a weekly or monthly checklist of career-focused tasks, etc.

Just remember that the flip side of her possibly seeming to "expect" things is that you've fed those expectations by the life you've given her, and she can't just turn around and suddenly find the same level of focus and drive that you developed out of necessity... she will need your help and guidance, and a willingness to meet her where she is.

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread Parent