Trust me, the best way to get rid of the hate is let go. Realize that whats ahead is what you can experience. Think about it very clearly. There is nothing you can do about the past. You just cannot fix the past or amend the past. Do what you want to do in the future. Write it down. Make a plan.

Forgive your wife, your mind will be at peace. If you want send her a letter or an email, do it. Making her life miserable will not make you feel happy in the long run. You will feel regret as time passes by. Do not waste your time with fruitless measures. Talk to your closest friend about it. Vent all you can to him/her and take their advice. Request them to be there for you. Remember that they haven't ruined your life. Your life is right there in your hands all onto you. Its your stupid mind, that manipulates into believing your life needs your wife. It doesn't. In fact, since your wife is being such a horrible person to you, you actually have the chance to experience a better life. Its hard but think about it this way.

Don't brood over it. My ex girlfriend manipulated me to get me closer to her. She lied about pretty big things, and made me feel guilty about my doubts, when in fact she was a big fat liar. One day I found out, and she had to spill the beans. It was hard to hear, but she wouldn't give any more details, even though I probed. I was super pissed that the entire relationship was a lie. I broke up with her. She went so much so as to never even give me closure. The resentment and heartbreak was unbearable, but I rode through it. I forgave her and wrote to her. I felt very happy about it, even though it seems counter intuitive. She never replied, but I was happy that there was peace in me.

DO NOT waste your future thinking about what could've been done. You have a gift of life and enjoy it. I'm sorry to hear about your life situation, whatever it is. Good luck to you. I pray everything works out for you.