Got to tell you man. Alot of red flags, especially the time she spends on the phone. I have had a simular problem with my wife of 10 years. Fortunately it was only in the span of a few weeks. I caught it before anything serious and irreversible happened and we actually came out on top as a better couple. But my story isnt important.

Whats important is that you do not ignore red flags. The more time you try to be ignorant of the truth the more time you waste. The problem isnt going to get better by itself. It sounds like she isnt invested at all in your relationship not just because of the lack of intimacy but the lack of contribution to your home life. She is somewhere else in her mind.

Increased time on the phone. Very defensive about her phone and the time she spends on it. This is a huge red flag especially if she guards her phone and takes it everywhere. You should find out what she is up to. Preferably by talking with her. Asking who her friends are and thier common interests. She should be able to communicate her activities with you being your wife. Secrets are not healthy for a marriage and will often end them.

Communication needs to happen. You shouldn't accept "its not you its me" as a satisfactory reason and leave her to solve the problem. Fixing your relationship is going to take coordination by the both of you. It could be she needs space and needs the opprotunity to miss you instead of waiting on her hand and foot. You need to find out, together, what exactly y'alls feelings are, what the problem is, and if can be fixed.

The possibily of ending the relationship should not only be on the table but the result of failing to resolve your problems. Sometimes people don't know what they have until they are about to lose it. People are often taken for granted because they think they will always be there. Sometimes people fall out of love and the best thing to do is end it. You both deserve people that will make you happy.

You need to turn to your wife to solve the problem. If she does not cooperate get out. You deserve to be happy. Other people can't do it for you.

It will not be an easy process. Good luck.