Wife says she doesn't need me for anything ever

I have lived a very similar life to what you are describing, different in that my wife clings to me, rather than push away, so there really is no winning, or escape for a breather. I chose the same thing you are. People say they are willing to die for their kids. Continuing on the path you are on will be dying a little every day for the rest of your life.

Like I said, I am further down the same path. My kids are JR high to college aged now. Here is the thing I wish I would have understood. Play it out. There will never be a better time to leave. You think it is hard for kids at the ages you are talking about, imagine what it is like for a kid in HS with all those pressures. How about college, are you going to rip apart the home they knew when they move out. You are not just deciding this for until they are grown, but for the rest of your life.

My suggestion, that I wish I had learned a long time ago. Decide within yourself, what the relationship needs to look like at a minimum to be happy. Get this really clear in your own mind. Then, start talking to her about your needs in the relationship. Work with her, try with everything you have. Be far more giving that she could ever deserve. Then, if your relationship has not met that minimum line, it will become clear what you need to do. Start phase 2 of moving on. When you do this, again, do whatever it takes to make it easy on those kids. I cannot stress enough though. Start this now. With every year that goes by, leaving gets harder, but the need to stay goes up.

/r/Marriage Thread Parent