I could have wrote this myself. I don’t think I will ever again. I had a hard time for a long long time. Took me years (7plus) to begin to trust someone and to make myself vulnerable/ open to love and trust. I don’t think I’ll get over this break in trust.

Like last time my trust was severed I was with someone who came into my life right after I was raped . I was sixteen and it was my first time with someone.. it was upsetting but about - 2-3 weeks later I met my “first love” . he was on his way to boot camp and it gave me distance to heal / but to establish a strong emotional bond.

Like my (most ) recent he professed things / gave promises that he didn’t need to / shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t use “soul mate” lightly. Or talk about your wedding. I felt so heart broken.
I think the rejection was devastating as I felt “used “ before him and his rejection reinforced that thought.

It took me nearly 7 years ( a serious relationship and a dysfunctional marriage ) to actually open myself up. I wasn’t even close emotionally to my ex husband. ( he was a narcissist- and abusive — but I hate saying that but it’s the easiest way to describe how he was). ... it was honestly amazing to get out of that. my recent ex had a lot to do with that. - we begun as friends and it evolved -he truly pushed openness .. and gave me many promises.. I was the love of his life supposedly - that he couldn’t live without me.

he cut me out a few weeks ago. Im devastated- but I think I must accept this - and protect myself .

The pain of this is enough to ensure I keep a healthy space between me and another.

I think I will be ok with that. I have no real interest in meeting another for a long time. I have no interest in finding true trust/ openness again. Idk I think if you can find it in yourself to be ok with this and finding peace within you - there may be happiness there. You can’t betray you , you can’t leave you..