I really think my husband is going through this right now. Our dday was 3 months ago. He has had a few relapses since than but continues the fight, he is seeing a therapist (he did not initially claiming he could stop cold turkey). I've witnessed the severe withdrawls symptoms when he stopped at the beginning. Like many he thought he could do it himself and found out with 3 weeks that was not going to happen. I had to threaten to final leave him and take our kids for him to get help. I do believe this was his rock bottom.

Before this discovery we had never had a perfect relationship but we use to literally joke we were best friends we could just never understand why the lack of sex. When it did happen it would be great, and we would both be on cloud 9 for a day or so than he would retreat again mentally and I'd lose him another couple months. It has been a roller coaster of so many unanswered questioned I would have. But, sometimes like you say I just felt he was mentally just checked out and he became an incredibly lazy lover the latter years.

I knew he had liked porn from day 1, 15 years ago, I never, ever imagine just how much and how often. It absolutely destroyed our marriage on many levels and dramatically changed the way he viewed me sexually for years. Since dday the puzzle pieces of confusion to how we ended up here have become so clear. The realization what porn has done to us is soul crushing and as a women it is impossible to not feel disgusting and unwanted knowing what I now know.

To be honest, I'm worry he will not be able to love/desire after me like I need. He looks at me much differently now and our sex has been very different but I just feel like he is still really within himself. Porn is like him shedding a blanket of security he has had since he was a teenager. Like he is losing a best friend...A poster above mentioned this is a symptoms of something else...it just may not he a symptom from something your marriage has created (which is my husband's case---he was abandoned by his dad and rejected by his mom his entire life---things he has never talked about for 41 years).

I'm not sure why I'm even telling you all this. I prayer you can look at your wife and desire her the way she needs and deserves. For us this whole thing is just a completely mind fuck and self esteem killer. If you see her stare off in space or feel like she is trapped in her head give her a hug, touch her hand, wink at her...just let her know you are present and are there for her.