This will not end well

I haven't contributed to this MeToo wave, not as "boycott" or anything of the matter. But because I'm terrified to have my friends and family know that about me. I'm scared to have them know that there's been multiple cases, that I handled on my own, without telling anyone. But I want to share, just to get it off my chest I guess.

The first time, I was 16. Just got my work permit and my very first legally paying job. It was through a family friend, the employment, although I wasn't working under her. I was working under a friend she had started the business with. The owner of the store was a Medusa. Look at her the wrong way, with the wrong sparkle in your eyes, and she'll tear you down like you're apart of the pavement. Anyways, I digress. She had hired an outside company to situate our security plan, no big deal. The man from the security company was the husband of a coworker. Alright, cool. I've known them since I was in elementary school. All throughout this time, he would say things like "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" "I couldnt stop thinking about that one thing you did." "Are you wearing a tighter shirt, or is puberty hitting again?" One day, I had mixed up what time I was supposed to start my shift and rushed to get ready, spritzed the perfume, popped some gum and that was it -turned out I was an hour and half early. I asked myself what I was supposed to do for an hour and half, and all of a sudden, this man responds with "I can think of something to do in the back to entertain you for an hour and half.. well, just an hour. I can't lie. It's been a while since perfume gave me a boner." I just walked away, not feeding into his whatever. I asked a coworker to let me know when he had left the front of the store. After I was told the coast was clear, I went to make my rounds and ended up passing by this man, and his wife saying their goodbyes. He was leaving for the night and said a very blatant flirty goodbye to me. I just made a grunt and didn't make eye contact. Later that night, I went home to find a message on Facebook, from this man who would have had to go through 4 branches of people to find me as my username is slightly altered. The message stated "Thank you for coming by me before I left for the night, it was hard containing my happiness in front of >my wife<"

I immediately took it to my manager who then admitted she had issues with this man as well. Sexual harassment suit was written but what was the outcome? A grown man, playing victim, saying he didn't mean to offend me and, that I should take it as a compliment being so young, yet so "physically blessed."

The next time was when I was 17. A 23 year old who posed as a friend of my brother, made advances. I had admitted to liking him a little more than a friend, and that I would start to get into a relationship with him. Although I had given consent, I didn't know how old he was. I know, stupid girl... I ended up staying at my friends house, invited him & friend over to hang out and when it was time for them to leave, only 1 left. He made me go out to this pool shed, started heavy petting even though I'd done EVERYTHING I could RESPECTFULLY to get him to leave. I was on my period at the time, and made that clear too.. He said he didn't care and that it turned him on more that I wasn't comfortable. Of course, stupid girl.. I just laid there, and dealt with the pain. At the end of it all, I broke up with him. And after I'd broken up with him, stories of him raping another YOUNGER girl surfaced, but nothing ever became of the case. I confided in a friend who then told me to get over it.

I worry, to this day and always will, that if I come within the same vicinity as this man.. I won't leave that vicinity. I know..stupid girl. Stupid for consenting, stupid for staying, stupid for being scared.

I am ashamed to share my MeToo because I know it's nothing new. It's nothing jaw dropping. But what is jaw dropping, is that if my family and friends read this- they'd act as if it was my fault. Because it was my fault.

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